Go go go
Push him away
No no no
Don't let him stay

He gets inside to stare at her
The seeping mouth
The mouth that knows
The secret you
Always you
A smile to hide the fear away
Oh smear this man across the walls
Like strawberries and cream
Its the only way to be

Exactly the same clean room
Exactly the same clean bed
But I've stayed away too long this time
And I've got too big to fit this time...

13th night

place where i belong
place where other 'freaks' are
place where i feel safe
place what i can call,
home

Dream 12, crows

2 crows, found each other.
The game is going to start, soon.

complicated / dream 10

now this is totally messed up.

peepshow.
paycheck.
broken glass.
mist.

I was stunned.

and on the end of the dream. I can see and head the crows. surrounding me like an aura. to be more freakier, today after going from coffee, crows almost surrounded me in the centre of the city. flying over me ... 'talking' or something.

and I wasnt alone, I was happy and satisfied.

dream 9, cat

somehow some things are clear now, but on the other hand they are not.
some complications are here, but I cant figure out how to clear them.

ah. typical me, I will stay on one spot till I dont figure out the solution... and all will be over than and no returning back.

wonderful... thats my life.

did I mention how I hate to wait??

dream 8

pornography.

Mood swings

Yes, this is my mood for last few weeks.

I have no idea whats wrong with me, ok I know but I wont tell. Still, its bugging me and I dont know what to do. Yay. Sometimes I love my life :3

Lets see --- whats new. I got tattooed, again. No you cant see it :3 It isnt on visible place so you are damn lucky if you saw it ;) DAMN lucky *giggles*.
I'm ultra misanthropic this summer, and I like it. Hanging out with tops 4 people, other ignoring. Going on coffee and taking a long walks.

Ah, summer... I hate you.

DREAM7, Broken nails.

Daydreaming 5

death cycles

Daydreaming 4

wish

Daydreaming 3

.spine pain


I can see you.

Daydreaming2

.Déjŕ Vu

dream 6

Hypocrites.
I hate them, and you can see that also in the dream.

The liars, they are going to deal with the consequences.
On the end, crows will kill the fox.

Daydreaming

I dream in colour.

Inspired by music, people around me and drear friend.

Does it have some special meaning ? To me it does, to you I don't know. It doesn't matter, really.

dream 5

The mouth that knows
The secret you

night 4 - the garden

In the garden, in my head, I will be happy.



It's sad that I had this dream, of me in the garden, buying myself 2 golden ruby rings, but only for me. Will it be, only me in the future, or the two of us. My heart is still rotten and it needs someone who understands my way of life.

I don't doubt I didn't find a person for me, maybe I did maybe I didn't, but I know this will happen this summer, I don't doubt it.

Will it come, will it be, in my garden, I'm happy, I'm free.

3d night - connections

connections that are made, will be shaken. broken maybe, but I doubt it. the rest of summer will be successful - somehow on some field, it will be.



connection that wont break so easily, so strong that they can survive an earthquake.

new day, new dream.

It was always interesting when you wake up on th graveyard.

The dream was something like this.

Piercings, 5 piercings on one side of my cheek. Connected with iron strings. Penguins and the dead sea. I did the piercings myself, but why the iron string, I have no idea. We can go in the detail.



I want to be connected with somebody, 5 strong bounds, iron strings. This summer, the sea, strong bounds where created that wont brake so fast. The penguins, the black birds that want to go away but cant cos they cant fly, the 5 persons souls, including mine, connected.... this summer... birds that cannot fly.

friendship, lovers, or something else ?

Me and my dreams.

Dreams tell you what you want, what you need.
My mind is strange, I get pictures and flashes maybe from other life, maybe from my 'twisted' and 'morbid' mind, but I always like them. People can call me strange, lunatic. Maybe I am all of that but still, my dreams is place where I live.

The sounds, the motions, the pictures, the events. Its telling me that something beautiful will happen. I know that, now I just need to wait till it does.

I had a dream, and it was something like this.



Do I only see love in the picture, the happiness, the future ... ?

Penance and Pain

.

Why do we always want, something that we can't have?
Or the problem is in us, thinking that we can't have it, but we CAN.
Why is the problem in me, and not in the other person?
I really have no idea, but my goal, will be fulfilled.

Sve, a ništa

Kada si nešto kažeš da ćeš tako i napraviti i onda se to ne ostvari, to je genijalan osjećaj zar ne? Kada si staviš neke obaveze na papir i imaš jednostavno želju da to ostvariš...

Ovo ljeto je za mene bilo ljeto promijene, oblikovanja svog karaktera i fizičkog izgleda. Sve je na pola puta no i pola je ljeta, premda tako ne izgleda (nego ko da je tek počelo jer temperature rastu i rastu). Sve bi trebalo ići po planu da se nisu upleli u moj život - starci.

Idemo u Njemačku, idemo. Ima se novaca? Ima. Na ovaj il onaj način, ima se. Snađe se. I idemo... ... ne nejdemo... ? Zašto? Zato. Baciti 1,500 kn za kartu u vjetar, ask me how. I know. Imati retardirane starce koji se deru na tebe da nemaš cilja u životu i da trošiš njihovo i svoje vrijeme na iluziju života. Jako ohrabrujuće za gotovo pa odraslu osobu, zar ne? I ona se pitam zašto oni misle da sam ja propalitet, što sam odbio i njihova uvjerenja i njihovu religiju. Ne ja ne smatram da mi treba obitelj da budem "potpun". Ja ne smatram da bi trebao osnovati obitelj i da će me to "spasiti" od realnosti, da ću bit "potpun" i da ću biti sretan.

Baš naprotiv, ja smatram da je obitelj nešto što je potrebno ljudima koji nemaju ciljeva u životu, koji iskreno ne znaju što žele od sebe i svoje karijere. Kao umjetnici ili poslovnjaci. Obitelj je karijera koju ja odbijam. Ona kaže da moraš biti sretan otac, uzdržavati svoju obitelj. Zašto bi ja uzdržavao ženu i djecu? Zar je meni to potrebno u životu? Možda bi za koju godinu govorio drugačije (ali onda mi je definitivno ispran mozak) - ja sam previše sebična osoba da dijelim život s još jednom osobom.

Moj život je samo isključivo - moj.

Tragedija za tragedijom. Moja 2010. godina uopće nije sretna. Otc mi ima potencijalni rak a ne želi se liječiti, moja majka je bila na prvoj od četiri operacija kralježnice koje mora odraditi u roku od 2 godine, a moj djed umire od ... svega. Ne žalim zapravo nikoga osim majke, i to na više razina. Prvo sve njih jer su na neku ruku netolerantni i ne žele prihvatiti činjenice da su određeni ljudi u obitelji drugačiji, i nemogu biti ONI reinkarnacija njih samih, ili kako god da se izrazim. To je ono što mi iskreno smeta. A žaljene za bolestima, otac je kriv isto kao i njegov otac. A majka definitivno nije kriva, ona je jedino kriva što je uvijek bila poslušna mome ocu i to ju je dovelo do ove situacije. Sve dolazi do one banalne činjenice da je i moja jedina mačka bolesna. Glupo ali istinito, uz svu tu bolest još mi i ljubimac oboli. Več nekoliko mjeseci ima rane koje nikako da zarastu i nasuprot lijekovima, i pitanje je vremena do kada će to izdržati.

Fakultet ide, no ne onako kako sam zamišljao. Sve ovo je jako šokantno za mene i ja se držim, iako ja imam veliki teret na svojim leđima od pritiska da sam niškorisna gamad do onoga da moram raditi stvari koje sam obavljao samo za sebe i bio sretan zbog toga, sada moja leđa pate. Da li mi smeta, čišćenje, pranje, kućanski poslovi? Iskreno? Ne baš. Lijepo je vidjeti čistu kuću, no kada se pretjeruje s tim onda se stvarno pretjeruje. Smatram da se ne mora čistiti svaki drugi dan, i prašina brisati jednom u 3 dana - to je stvarno apsurdno. No dobro.



Kada se sve sagleda, tlačenje i obaveze, stvarno nekada želim biti netko drugi. Ovo nije ni 30% svega što se desilo, no bolje da ne idem u detalje - oni koji me znaju duže, znaju moju prošlost s blogom i iskrenošću.

Doxa